Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
