plz talk dirty to me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
