I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
