The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
