You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You should frame my arrest warrant.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
