It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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