hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
And then he peed in my hair
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