Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I skipped work to stalk him.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she told me i tasted like america
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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