Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I understand Curling. That high.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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