The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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