I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
