If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
