It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How naked do you want me to be?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize