Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize