I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
