You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
