They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I FOUND THE LEGS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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