Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
