im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
