a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
