I'm jealous of your bromance
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
