i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize