I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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