my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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