can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
