U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
