So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
