Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
