Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
