Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
