Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
