I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
