We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
