There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
