Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
