Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
