Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize