i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
