Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
