dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize