Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
