do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
