You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
