Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
