I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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