Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
