Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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