My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
tell me about the eggs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
