I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
