So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
