i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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