We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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