dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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