Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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