I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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