Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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