Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
