its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
