I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
not ubering you a puppy
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
