I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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