We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
