By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
