Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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