Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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