A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
That's when you crack a 10am beer
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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