writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
