bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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