You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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