she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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