he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
