I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
