Sacagawea was the original milf.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
