I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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