You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
